Sometimes Desperate But Rarely Quiet

I'm stitching costumes today for a train with square wheels and a snowman and the Abominable Drag Beast of the North and a My Little Hitler doll (complete with goosestep action!) ... all for a wonderful holiday show that spoofs the 1970s (1960s?) claymation TV show Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Remember the Island of Misfit Toys? Well, ours has a My Little Hitler doll too. Talk about misfits. And remember how Dolly didn't seem to be a misfit at all? Well, she's a sexual deviant. We think. Or so it's rumored......

Also I'm considering gender, and whether it might be typically used as a tool of empire (for "empire" read: the oppressive system/spirit that drives a given society. The system of privilege.). Of course it CAN be used as such a tool; nearly anything can, I should think. But is it, typically?

Yeah. I don't know. Wonder what Facebook'll say. I've asked the F.B. world what they think. Should be interesting to hear (a) from my super-evangelical not-very-thoughtful old friends from my Texas high school (most of whom are still IN Texas, bless their hearts) and (b) from my evangelical-but-much-wiser relatives-in-law who still call God "He" but have a faith I admire. As well as everyone else, of course. Hm. We shall see.

How are you doing??

Anybody have fimo lying around gathering dust ... and want to send it to me?

Kids, I need a bike.

A kinda small one - turns out I'm not very long of limb, upper or lower! And a "girl" bike, because I ride exclusively in skirts and the crossbar scares the dickens out of me & my skirts!

I'm going to need a basket/ saddlebags/ crate/ platform strappy-on thingy for schlepping stuff (mostly thrift shop shopping), and a lock too. (I've got a helmet, never fear!)

Any suggestions? Got one you want to donate to me? I'm part of an intentional community that is now under consideration for becoming a nonprofit:  which means you can (yes, officially, as of now) donate a bike to me and write it off your taxes. If you make enough money to be taxed, that is. :-)

Please holler back!  Leads welcome!

Thanks all.

I'm considering recommending pantiliners to my sewing clients who request underarm dress shields in special-occasion garments that they will be wearing for a long day, or a long reception, etc. A plastic "barrier" outside layer, an inner absorbent layer, and n easy-on-the-skin hypoallergenic and non-raveling layer next to the skin.

Oh, and they're disposable, and very easily replaced or repositioned. Just wondering how the adhesive would hold up.

What do you think? Have you tried it?

Well, just acknowledging what was difficult about yesterday & asking for help seems to have ... helped.

Huh.

Yay?

Struggling.  Pastor-boss (mind you, she's A pastor, she's not MY pastor! Very important distinction; I just work for/with her!) is so disorganized.  Hard to keep my [mental] balance, and boundaries, in the midst of all this.

Pray for me...??

I think I'm hung over from too much emotion last week! Can you do that?

A relaxing long weekend at the monastery the last weekend of March. Where I did have a brief meltdown about the monks, qua monks, rejecting my sex. Got over that in a couple of hours, but not without telling all of it to Larry. That's typical for me; I can't dispel even stupid demons/fears/tenacious terrors without speaking them. Something about secrets having power, I suppose.

Then on the Sunday (a week ago), immediately upon coming home, tired from getting up at 4 to pray, was Godspell. Gorgeous emotional rollercoaster when it's well-acted, which it totally was.

Then a drama queen guy from church blew up at me over something I said to him at the Godspell intermission. He blew up ... over Facebook message, no less. And it wasn't along the lines of "Bitch, why did you say x to me? That really hurt and if you ever do it again I'll tear your face off" (thanks to B'Lanna of ST Voyager for that particular threat!). It was, no kidding, "You are a really mean person under all the fun clothes and hair you affect. I guess it's all a facade. Don't worry, I won't bother you ever again - in fact, I'll find it difficult even to speak to you."

Wow. Impugn everything I am and do. And this was the first conflict I've ever had with this guy. I felt like I'd been socked in the stomach. For days.

We sort of made up - again, via Facebook, ain't that lovely - but he made it clear he is determined not to "play" with me any more because I always "say something to shatter the mood." I'm sorry, if I've repeatedly said things to you that hurt you and you never said anything, the fault no longer lies with me. The fault lies with YOU for your passive-agressiveness in never bringing it up!

So that hurt. Attack from a blind side. Owwww.

Then a long week of sewing. I love sewing. But there are deadlines, and those exert pressure mentally, even when it's imperceptible.

Then this past Sunday (yesterday) was my birthday. And that's its own kind of pressure, now that I've passed 28 (which was a nice age!). People gave me so many wonderful wishes all day - perhaps it was eustress? (the opposite of distress)

Also I drank fun things for my birthday evening - pina colada mostly. If I'm not totally "up," drinking depresses me.

So hey, maybe I'm ACTUALLY hung over, huh???

Phew.  Come on, Easter, you tardy bitch, I need you this year!!!

I used this little number




to finish the bottom edge of sparkle organza petals today! A princess dress, with twirly ballgown skirt and large organza petals laid overtop. And I wasn't going to try a rolled hem on a curved organza edge, oh no.

The heat gun was fantastic! Heats up within a matter of a couple of seconds, blows nice hot air in a controlled stream (about the diameter of a quarter or fifty-cent-piece), and just sealed the edges from about 15 inches away. I laid the organza on a towel on the ironing board for the operation.

I was able to create a scalloped effect by bringing the heat gun in closer every four inches or so along the hem.

Hooray! Organza, hemmed in ten minutes!

I'm beginning to hate my boss.  Think I may give up hate along with sugar for Lent this year.  Gah.

Well, darlings, apparently witch hazel applied for pore reducing and skin soothing really works. One of my fabulous gay homeless friends just came by and told me I look mighty FRESH today.

Really, how could it get any better on a cold snowy day?!?

I just sent the Draco Trilogy to 50 more fabulous people around the world.  Ah, lovely.  Good fiction everywhere.  Also, procrastination at work computers everywhere.  This is my subtle way of sticking it to the Capitalist Man.  Yay!

You want 'em?

Just comment with your email addy and I'll send 'em off to you!!!  No fan art, sadly, because it makes the pdfs vastly too enormous to email.  But the glorious yummy text is all there.  You'll be glad you indulged.

I am LOVING my job.  Finally the office is resembling something that is organized!  I am able to do real work that gets real things accomplished.  Hey, the deacon and I even helped a lady figure out that she needed to file for unemployment the other day, and we could point her to the right address to go to to do so!  That felt wonderful.

So it's working!  YAY - I repeat, IT'S WORKING.

Nevertheless.  I would surely like a space of like a year to STAY HOME and care for the house and sew.  *sigh*  Do I have to get pregnant for such a thing to happen...??  Oh, surely not...........

If Crazy Homeless Fred would get the hell out of my office, I could go use the toilet!

Oy.

Going to interview next week at a different nonprof - same job, only in a wealthy suburb (meaning of course that the job would feel almost totally different).  Would be working for a dear friend whose administrative- and boss-style I already like and admire, but without the walk-in crazies I get here in Rogers Park.  A place that needs me ... but probably not as desperately as this place needs me.

I have already begun making the web of connections, in four months here.  Do I want to uproot (mixed metaphor, sorry!) and go elsewhere, even for many more thousands of dollars per year?

Hard to say.

I'm going to the interview to see what exactly it is that they believe they need.  And to see if I think my accounting skills, in particular, are up to par.  And to see if I might be bored to death in their well-trimmed, cute little sprawling expensive suburb.  Will I lose my mind in a "classy" setting???

Why would "classy" people want ME, anyway??  I'm fabulous and lovable and yes, a guru of organization, but "classy" or "elegant" are not things to which I aspire.  Have intentionally repudiated, in fact.  I cling to the virtues of kindness and good manners and responsibility and, oh, cleanliness and being well-put-together, but I stiff-arm pearls and navy blue suits and, really, all things Chanel.  (Ick.)  I am deeply interested in wonderful fabulous appropriate cherished respectful delightful you-make-me-smile joyous colorful, but not classy elegant age-appropriate standards ick.  You know?  David Bowie.  Not Tim Gunn.

(Sorry Gunnites!)

Oh, and before you ask:  the job doesn't know I have a blog.  I'm safe writing work-musings here!  Thanks though. 

Pray for me, wouldja?

Today is kind of a lovely day at my bizarro nonprof job.  Weird people streaming in and out all morning, but they were genuinely glad to see me, and I to see them (mostly).

The leftovers I brought for lunch were extra tasty.  Yay, friends who have their weddings catered by real Arabic restaurants!  And give me bags of leftovers to take home!  So delish!

And then I managed to lock up for an hour, hide in the (funny old fake-wood-paneled, exCEEDingly dated) church library, and do a little yoga.  My back feels like a million bucks, I tellya!

Now I've got some incense going, have tossed back a couple of Tylenol (the weird people smelled a little funny and so does the incense, layered on top, yesss), and packs of babies are passing by on the way to the baby yoga class taking place upstairs.  This is, after all, pretty cool.

Yay!

I just sent the Draco Trilogy to like 55 people all over the world.  Hee!  Doin' my part to spread good fiction.  (Controversies notwithstanding.)

A guy was lying on the floor of the lobby outside my [tiny] office moments ago.  Evidently he was too drunk to sit up.  Well, it is nasty cold and rainy outside - what else ya gonna do?

AND ... (drum roll please) ... my funny little nonprof job is back to full time!  Hooray!  In a recession, even this wee job is a living wage!  I feel much better.

Thank you all for worrying/commenting/etc. about my Job Worries.  It's better now.  For one reason, my clever husband ferreted out a nifty little website called last.fm ... which is a cool radio player thingy where you can type in "I like Sisters of Mercy.  Play me some Sisters, bitch!" and it does!  Also it recommends other bands based on who you said you like - and it ain't half bad.

Also, the pastor is talking about strong-arm-ing the finance committee into taking me back on at fulltime... starting September first!  This would be very helpful.

And, while my pocketbook has been thinly languishing with three-quarter-time wages... I have had lots of time all summer to get this tuxedo made.  Yes, a whole tuxedo, from scratch.  Oi, this is a big project!  So, things work out, in the end, what?

(Dark booze-filled chocolates do sound like a mighty good suggestion, however.)

(Sangria, I have discovered, is also quite nice!)

so grumpy.

the great new nonprofit job won't pay me quiiiite enough to live on.

grr.

i vacillate between being sure this is where i am supposed to be, and resenting the congregation for being tightfisted pennypinchers.  Somebody (some fool I happen to know - but am not happy about it!) asked me this morning on the phone what I am doing to "keep my spirits up."  Gah.

"Swearing," I said.

St. John's Wort, here I come ... and you better be all you're advertised to be, you herbal bastard!